遇是一种缘分

在现代的现实生活当中，人也变得越来越现实。对生活的水准和要求也就越来越高。战争永远都是因为争夺权威而开始。家庭分裂也都是通常为了争夺觉得自己应该得到的一切而造成。就是一直争然后到最后得到了却觉得一生的经历就是在怨恨与争夺当中，就算走到最后才发现原来一无所有。

在这一路走来，我从不追求任何荣华富贵。只想这一生过着平凡的生活。就是那非常简单的生活。就算得到一切但却过的毫无意义，那过着这样的生活背着许多后悔及遗憾，最后留下也没什么值得能纪念，走的也不安心。嬷嬷常常都教好我们，一家人不能背叛自己的亲人，不能争夺一切不属于自己的东西，亲人有需要的时侯有能力的话一定要尽力的帮忙。我感谢有着那么一个大家庭，大家都和睦相的处互相照应。如果少了他们，我现在的家也无法那么完整。当时我的屋子也还未完整，他们就是大家都那么关心，都问我们需要些什么，哪里可以帮的上忙。那种温馨的感觉永远都不可能在其他地方找到。嬷嬷多谢你多年对我们的唠叨，终算是我们都没辜负你一片的期望。希望您的教导能让大家看到，什么是叫亲情。

不管你是谁，给我未来的另一半

我不要求你给我赚好多好多的钱。因为我相信靠自己的努力，自己要的东西就要自己努力赚回来。你只需要做好你的本分，我们两所赚回来的钱够养家那就好了。

我不需要你买什么名牌包包或贵重的礼物。更不需要几百万的钻戒来炫耀。只要你记得重要的日期给我买小小的礼物小小的惊喜，我就会很开心了。戒指不需要你的薪水乘多少倍，只需要你的用心当中的含义就好了。

我不需要住什么洋房大楼。因为到最后空空的感觉寂寞，倒不如一个你和我的小小温馨安乐窝。如果你能陪我走到老，我希望和你共度晚年然后一起住在一个靠近海边晚上能听到浪的声音的小屋。

我不需要你当什么出名人士。因为要抛头露面，过的生活也围绕着许多闲言闲语。我只需要你做好本分，为人慷慨做任何事都过得了自己的良心。

我不需要你用你所有的时间来陪伴我。当你认真工作事，我希望你专心的把事情都办好。我只需要你用心得抽空出来陪陪我过着二人世界，看看戏，听我诉说心事 。我们两有着美好时光，的空得时候去去旅行散散心。有许多和你美好的回忆，必然让我毕生难忘。

我不需要你帮我当风挡雨。我认为如果自己能解决的事，那我就当然应该先靠自己的努力去解决问题。如果是我需要你，你就像是一个大男人而我是你的小女人。让我感觉有你保护，好有安全感。当面对挫折时，你不留下我自己一个人来面对而是和我一同共度苦难。

你给我的所有，我会十倍的奉还。可曾读过一篇文章，你给女人的好她将永远一生记住。
我愿意为你做那个在家煮着饭等你回来的煮饭婆。每天早上醒来都有着早餐给你带回办公室吃，决不让你饿肚子。帮你洗好衣服，烫好衣服。早上起来都不需要想要穿什么，就有那里掉好一套的衣服等着你穿。把家里一切都打点好，不让你操心。这样你在事业上也能专心的工作，不再需要为琐碎事而烦恼。当然我也不会放弃自己的理想和事业，也不会为了事业而不管家庭。

在这众人万多的世界里，能和你相遇是一种缘分。这缘分就像是二十年前在我们的手上绑了一条剪不掉的红线，途中走失了，经过了许多挫折，然后又沿着那一条线让我们再次相遇。缘分是要靠双方的经营和努力来维持。当一方面停了下来，另一方自然的就会感觉得到。你和我的一路来的爱情长跑不是一字一句能写得出，而是需要用感觉来体会得到。我爱你 三个字虽然说的简单，但里面却保函这许多期望，希望，责任，感觉，回忆 等。我感激也感谢你所为我做的所有。这一生应该就不会找得到想你对我那么好的男人。你所给我的回忆，是我一生中最美好的时光。你毕竟是我一生里最爱的另一半。

两个人在一起毕竟是一生一世。还不了的来时再还。

现在所面对的一切挫折虽然艰难但有着一种不想放弃的思想。我们是经过那么多才能走在一起，是过了那么久才能再次的相遇。难道就是说，忘记就能把一切都忘得一干二净。所有的回忆，所有在一起做过的事情是多么值得去纪念。我们所为对方带来的笑容和快乐是多么的珍贵。放开那是多么大的痛苦与伤害。多么的希望 能把所有都看开，看着他人快乐好过看他人痛苦让自己的内心也过不去，又何必给自己带来痛苦。就是一个那么简单的原理。

就像玩捉迷藏从一数到第十，都有该结束的时候。就是到第十，不再趴着墙上盖着眼睛就一直数着的等待。开上眼睛去寻找目标把该做好的事情都做好，找不到的到最后也就依然的要放弃让游戏结束。写到第十，应该就是暂停的时候。是命运玩弄还是有缘无份但却无法确定。留下许多美好的回忆，就当作是这一世曾经拥有。放弃是经过无数的挣扎，是最大最痛的牺牲。勉强的不来幸福，但愿一切的平息。得不到可能就是这一生留下最美好的句点。

＃3 Story of You & Me: Fate Brought Us Together Again

Do you believe in fate? I believe that fate is the one that brought people together in a whole. How would you have met someone amongst all the other living being on earth, those who have crossed your path or not and the one that you ended up with. Of course, fate is not the only factor but the actions do play an important role as well.

Since the very beginning, I thought it was just me that felt his chinese name sounds a bit familiar that we might have met each other's some where in school since we studied at the same primary school but not at the same grade (yes I'm older by 1 year, 6 months in fact). How would we have figured out each other's most horrible nickname ever in school, just with a few encounter.

芷珊 is my name, somehow someone made a name with a sound like 智障 which means mentally retarded. Whereas, his name 秉翰 and came out to be 流汗的饼干 a biscuit that sweats. We thought that perhaps was just coincidence that such things are pretty common those days and so just happened we figured out each other's worse nickname ever which was forgotten almost two century.

Today whilst driving on the road, we saw this very old vannett in red maroon colour which was driving recklessly. While he was cursing at that guy, I said "This van looks exactly like the one I took to primary school during those days". Then he also said "I took this van as well ...". Well how many similar vans are these those days? Perhaps for the yellow orangy "Bas Sekolah" maybe. How he described the aunty with super curly hair, likes to drink water from the nescafe glass bottle, driving like a hooligan on the road with that manual van, she with lots of freckles, sometimes took us along to go buy "Toto", buying us ice cream to shut us up from telling our parents and the games that we used to play on the van on the way to and back from school.

When I dig my memory a little deeper, now that house of his looks a bit familiar, with the aunty van constantly sounding her hon and this boy always late or absent from school because he can't wake up from bed. Although I can't remember much at such age, but my feeling told me that we have crossed path in each other's life before.

We were only about 7-10 years old then. Sometimes, it's just like a miracle and how fate brought us back to together for nearly 18 - 20 years after that and to fall in love with each other.  That kind of feeling was like .... "Wow, the hand that I'm holding now was that little boy next to me 20 years back when we were still naive and young as little rascals". Just like going back to those days and telling that little boy "小弟弟你长大了20年后我会是你的女朋友知道吗？”. Think xiaodidi might have run far far away that time.

In all, I'm just thankful that how fate have brought him back into my life after all these years and how we met again in the same workplace. Maybe he was that boy that helped me up and asked if I'm ok that time, just like how he picked me up through the toughest part in my life that I was in more than 2 years ago and help me up out from it again. I would have never been able to find someone like these again for my whole life. Someone who's like a soul mate to each other, who understands each other so well.

Fate. You drew us together, I could only wish that the situation does not tear such a beautiful thing apart.

#2 Story of You & Me: The Start of The Journey

'Honeymoon Phase' that's what they name them during the start of a relationship when both are still in a sweet stage and usually last for about months up to two years.

Once past this phase, you will be in the phase of compromising and making changes for one another. No more in fairy tale dreamland and you will then return to your true self and realised that some of the things that you could not tolerate. Eventually you will stop giving in as much as you did and you're hoping for some return for the things you've done thus far. Some of the things start to fall apart, and this stage will be the one where communication and commitment comes in crucial. Here you will realise that tolerance plays a huge part and listening to your partner does make a difference. You might enter into disagreement or arguments but both parties will need to put in much efforts into keeping the relationship alive. Many fell out of love after the honeymoon phase, because their partner wasn't someone that they could handle or someone they had in mind.

Of course, we did went through such a phase as well. When everything was almost close to sweet and perfect. When life was without much commitments, before we thought of moving to the next stage in life. There wasn't as much consideration as compared to what we are facing currently. Much less worries, stress when we can just live life freely, did many random things, travel around, gave many surprises and did much more things for each other. Couples always strive to still do such things to keep the relationship alive. However, when reality sinks in, these wasn't as easy as what we thought and there was tons of consideration and condemns that we received from others that made judgement without knowing much in fact. 

Let's drop the miserable part and revive on the good times.

After getting together for about two months, he initiated a trip down to Singapore randomly to do some competitors check. Tickets was bought about 2 weeks before and I was looking forward for that day to come really soon. We hardly went for any sightseeing since the main intention was to check out a few of these coffee places and to watch a stand up comedy. Headed to Bugis and ended up walking in rounds whilst looking for Bugis Street when the alley was just right in front of us. This is when I found out that he really could sweat a bucket full and I felt guilty for making him look for that place. 

After a tiring walk searching for Bugis street, ended up drinking the famous Koi bubble tea. He didn't wanted to upload my pretty face with the bubble tea afraid that he might lose his market shares from the rest of the admirers :( 

ToastBox in Singapore was much better compared to the one we have here. Mee Siam was good and came with half boil eggs plus a cup of coffee / tea. After that, we took a train down to Lavender continued our journey in searching for a hipster cafe, Loysel's toys which is located in a building inside a park along the Kallang river. We had quite a long walk and finally manage to find the place. Bear in mind that I have 0 sense of directions, even I've been to Singapore a few rounds before this. 

That's my cup of ice tea plus his cup of black coffee. That's my hand only because no face was allowed.

This was my own selfie. Kesian me. I always looks much chubbier in photos. That's not a ghost behind me during bright day light. 

Here's where we took our first selfie at the Kallang river's bridge and the only photo of us during the whole trip. 

Continued the night catching a stand up comedy and going around City Hall looking for food and ended up in Funan digital mall with very delicious ramen noodles at Bishamon Sapporo. Then came the end of the trip where we had some famous taufufa, kuay tiao soup at the old airport toad food centre. There's like tons of tau fu fa stalls here and we just simply picked one with the shortest queue. I remembered that rain continued for the whole day, we had no choice but to head to a mall and walk around. 

Vaguely remembered this place if memory recalls and we sat at one of the corner with two seats

He ended up buying a blazer and took a selfie and sent to me at the changing room.  

Took a bus back from Novena Square and we were watching Darren Brown the whole journey. Half of the time I was too tired and falling asleep but feeling a bit paiseh for not being accommodating. 

Marks the end of the Singapore trip, this was about more than 2 years ago but I've always remembered the details, the moments that I really cherish the most.

To be continue...

#1 Story of You & Me: When You Came Into My Life

Dedicated to the one I love ...

I've read and watched many love stories all these years but I've never written one, a true story which is based on my own love story. This might not be as great as any love stories out there, however everything that you will be reading is not made up. I truly mean them all for each and every word of this posting. So, here is my love story.

A first class honours Computer Science graduate who excels in many co curricular , falling in love with an average Commerce graduate who was never active in anything. I was just a normal girl next door that you will probably find many on the streets. We did not recall each other when we first met. In fact, he thought I was a princess diva cum 'la-la' girl with that super curly long locks. Whereas I thought that he was just another typical chubby programmer nerd at the workplace who party all night long and date only pretty girls that meets his standard.

 VS

Failed permed super maggi mee curly hair vs chubby boy trying to act cute

Random guy came and add me on Facebook and took me so long to figure out who's this person with a 'chimp' profile picture.

This wasn't the average 'love at first sight' love story. We met each other at our previous workplace which is a college, a place where I studied for my degree. Slowly, we realised the existence of each other when he always drop by to look for one of my colleague. He realised that I've cut off my long curly locks and made a change to my outlook and I realised that he wasn't that boring programmer that I will never dial the extension to seek for help during work. We started to talk to each other and get to know each other better after a while. At that point of time, I was in a terrible condition with my previous relationship and close to breaking off. Whereas, he ended his just a few months ago.

We didn't even have each other's handphone number during the start but merely chatting through Facebook. There were moments that I knew he was out there doing support, and I will hold my documents for other department's to use as excuses to walk around and hoping to bump him somewhere in the college. Please don't ask me where did I get the courage to do such silly stuffs. Coincidentally, there was one fine day that I bumped into him three times without making any efforts and since then I'm his "jie jie" and he's my "unker". We were fooling around and I pulled his lanyard then and we both got into a very awkward situation.

Two very random photo that's in matching outfit taken on separate occasions found on our childhood album

So I got his number through a colleague because I needed to ask him some stuffs (NO, not using these as excuses, or hmm maybe I was haha). Our first encounter through mobile was when I typed the whatspp by giving him a text with caps and exclamation mark with his name. He probably thought was some random guy coming after him for money. Since then we have been chatting and perhaps sharing many problems I've encountered to him. Somehow I do get mad when he doesn't reply my text messages after a night. He knew and came back and asked if I'm mad, but I just told him I have no rights to do so. So this I guess this is the typical flirting or 'fishing' period that most of the couples go through before getting together?

In fact, we were pretty unsure if we really met each other the first time in our previous workplace or, we have bumped into each other during primary school. I've always dreamt of that boy who helped me up when I fell down on the basketball court with that big heavy bag when a teacher just walked past me without offering a hand (if you studied in a chinese school, you'll probably get what I mean here). Well, memory doesn't allow me to recall back that far, but I chose to believe that perhaps he was that boy I wanted to thank but forgotten since my knee was badly injured and I was in much pain.

These were like the first set of photos that we have taken together as 'close friends' during a Karaoke night outing 

I recalled a dream that was so surreal, that the moment I woke up from it that I almost thought it was for real. The dream when he held me in his arm so tightly and never wanting to let go.

We did not chose to pursue or jump into another relationship that soon, due to the situation that I was in. However, I realised that I couldn't control my feelings for him anymore, that I've never found someone whom I can relate so much as if we have known each other for years even before we met. I made a confession to him first, that I have feelings for him and I can't hide them. Being that I'm a girl who's really straight forward, I was never afraid to express my feelings. Because I knew if I didn't chose to do so at that time, I'm missing out something really great.

I really enjoyed doing random stuffs. Randomly saw this and hop on and he decided to tag along the fun, well isn't this what life's all about. For not giving a damn at times. 

He told one of my best mate that he doesn't have any feelings for me. But I recalled those messages, each and every one of them. Just like how could a guy offered to come by and pick you up for clinic over a cold, called you up and ask if you're out having lunch and needed a ride back to workplace due to rain, bought food and desserts back for you, knowing that you have cravings for a particular bubble tea and drop by to get them and offered to walk you out for lunch with an umbrella under the hot sun because you were unwell. Together with those text messages that points to the sign that he was really interested in you. Please advise me how should I not take all these seriously, or perhaps he does this to every other girl out there?

Of all, one fine day asked if I know anyone who have a sleeping bag and needed that for the next day. I was guessing that he have like tons of friends on Facebook and why of all me? I was then warned by my best mate to stop doing such things and putting hopes in him. Then we started going out during random nights, and my aunt got worried because there's this new colleague guy who occasionally drop me home when it's super out of the way. Random nights that he came to pick me up at 12am for a drink and we often forgot about time chatting until 2am when we still have work the next day.  There were lots of memories at the neighbourhood's mamak stall, Starbucks, Strawberry fields and  Island cafe. How Miki used to hate him so much that she would bark at him and put her four legs against this bad Unker. Compared to now getting way too excited and pee every time she sees him without fail.

Miki's 5th Birthday with our two precious daughters

Eventually, he took a leap of faith and without realising, he fell for me. Being the girl that allows him to be himself whilst being with me. He realised that I wasn't that princess, but the girl who's willing to dirty her hands for hard work and make sacrifices in life to be with the one she love which is him.  Pretty tough to make this guy admit his feelings and make up that very decision. We started our journey whilst watching 'Ice Age' and he granted a 'warranty period' aka trial period with no deadline. There was still like tons of whatsapp messages from many prospects during that time. However, relationship is all about being yourself with that person. Being at the same page, sharing the same vision in life, being connected and that kind of explainable chemistry that happens deep inside. Fate have brought us together but we decide to chose our own destiny and journey ahead.

Warranty card that I made, for real

After being hurt much in the previous relationships, I've told myself not to commit and fall hard for a guy anymore in my life. I was really afraid of being hurt and harmed having to go back to the state of depression again. I've never thought what or how far this relationship will bring me until where we are today. I've never thought how much would this person mean to me, and how important or how much impact or changes he brought into my life since then until today.

Over a million, zillion people in this world and how glad you're to find a soul mate amongst them. Some took a lifetime and yet still searching ... 

There wasn't one single person that I knew off in our previous workplace who shares exactly the same personality profiles, and usually the people with the same personality don't get along too well in life. Surprisingly we both share a very close personality profile but get along pretty well. I guess, we share many common life goals, perspectives that brought us together after all. There's still a little difference in terms that he's not so good in planing and time management and I'm not so good with coordination and logic which is how we compliment each other. Whereby, I will usually do research and plan for a trip and he will be my best navigator ever because I just can't read a map properly.

Most recent Hong Kong trip during March 2014

As they said that the person who truly loves you, will not be afraid to tell you and point out your flaws so that you would be a better person for your own good. He have taught me many things in life and vice versa to him as well. I admit that I was once a pretty selfish person but after knowing him and looking at all the kind deeds, I've changed my perspective towards many things in life. Just like how I feel happy these days through simple gesture just stopping lettering passerby cross the road, holding the lift door and door for others. Doing them without expecting a return, but smile and thank you from others seemed to cheer up my day a little.

Heh, can you imagine that I'm driving this turbo car now and every time I tekan, seemed like the fellor is farting slowly.

From a guy who used to have really bad road rage and chase after idiotic drivers on the road with his super turbo charged SLK (#smalllittleKenari) taking the highway like his F1 race track to a person that improves so much. Though sometimes he still go over the ramp to get to the other side of the road. Next time when you see a Ranger driving like this in Klang Valley, you won't even need to take a guess of who's the driver. Also, how much he have cut down in drinking and smoking along these 2 years.

We made each other to be a better person in a whole. If you really love the other person, you won't try to change the person but instead you will make him/her a better person and he/she will take the advice out of care and love.

First photo that we took together after we started

To be continue... #2

Being Judgemental. Facts Distortion. Complicating Things.

We are being brought up in an environment that our thoughts are constantly swayed to making judgement on other people through assumptions. Due to the fact that we're living in a society that money and status is the one that determine the 'class' that we are living in. How many of us are not judgemental? Before you said you're not, think of situations below. If you've made assumptions by making up thing in your mind before finding out facts.

1. You just got your brand new car last night, a kid threw a stone and left a scratch. What's your immediate reaction?

(Answer: The kid was trying to get your help asking for attention. No one stopped to help him when his brother is laying down on the road after an accident)

2. You purposely took leave and went to attend a seminar. But the speaker speaks really soft and murmuring and you can't hear a thing. What's your feeling?

(You felt frustrated, time wasting and disappointed. Answer: The speaker had some medical condition and he was about to speak on how he went through...)

3. You saw a man unconscious laying down by the corridors with many beer bottles beside him.

(You must have thought that he's a drunkard. Answer: He's a homeless man picking up bottles for a living and he just fainted because he didn't eat for days).

So now, count the instances that you've been triggered by anger, by just making assumption to others in life.

Next, human tends to complicate things by making up rumours. They felt the joy by just talking bad about others and humiliating others in order to make themselves feel better by creating a picture of positioning themselves higher than the rest. Haven't you said such thing before? Have you been jealous or bad mouth about your own family members just because you wish to make them look bad so that you would stand out better?

"I'm earning and doing well in my job, look at my cousin, wasting his life that he haven't even completed his studies in college. What a useless spoiled brat". (He have difficulties in his studies and no one is willing to help him. He felt ashamed that he's stuck in such a situation)

"Look at my sister-in-law, dressing like a slut, she must be eyeing on my brother's money." (But do you know what she went through? She might have low self esteem, and her dressing might be absurbed, but she thought that's the way of impressing others.)

Ask yourself a question:
Do you really have nothing better to do in life that you love to judge others. How does other's live their life ever concern you? Have they taken a penny from you, or they owe you a million bucks? Or they have wronged you in a really harmful way that you have to make other's life miserable.

One should always be holding their judgement and thoughts back before knowing a person well enough. I've had many comments from my colleague that my first impression to them is that I'm a diva, stuck up girl, lansi with attitude that does not like to mingle around with others. But just right after we have known each other well enough, they drop all their thoughts and never imagined that I'm such a random crazy girl who makes them burst out in laughters. They even think that I'm nuts in some ways. Well, ask the girl that I've worked with for 2 long years. When I kick her shoes far away in the middle of a seminar because we got bored, when we started talking about nonsense in the middle of a townhall meeting, and how I pressed all the floors of the lift because she forgotten where's the library. Besides my family, my boyfriend and my close friends and colleagues, you have no rights to judge me.

Stories and things that are being made up are usually one sided. Usually, we made things up because we felt jealous and we wanted the situation to be in our favour as if we are always the right one. If you've listened to such stories, how sure are you that the facts are right? And not that majority of them are being made up. When you choose to believe and gossip around with such 'facts', have you verified or asked the party that you're speaking about if all of them are true? And do you really know what they're going through or all the sacrifices that have been made.

Also, have we ever considered by just making assumptions and spreading rumours, how much harm have we brought upon others? Do you really feel happy by making other's life miserable? If you said yes, then you should be seeing a physcatrist.

So much so that we could say that we don't really need to mind about what other's said as long as we are happy. But.. well, unless we move away, or shut ourselves to others somehow, somewhere in life the world is too small not to cross each other's path.